Traffic as a Microcosm for Life

Having just returned to the Bay Area from LA by car, I feel compelled to advance my Grand Unified Theory of Everything (relating to human interaction) which came to me almost entirely by observing traffic patterns. Human behavior, I have found, is entirely predictable based on this model:

Point 1 - Humans are basically selfish

A commuter will only be as curteous as is required to safely get them to their own destination in the shortest amount of time with the least amount of hassle. Barring that, a commuter will perpetrate INCREDIBLY thoughtless acts while driving. One example of which is not signaling when changing lanes. Here is a law to prevent cars from slamming into each other and killing the occupants that people just don't like to follow because it requires them to think 3 seconds ahead of time, have some consideration for their fellow drivers, and move their finger an inch. They won't do it, though. They are too wrapped up in their cell phone conversation, remembering the words to their favorite auto-tuned pop "song", or whatever other distraction holds their attention, and they'll fail to signal. They'll change lanes, sometimes change TWO lanes, in excess of the safe speed limit of course. People behind them will swerve out of the way, honk, and in general barely maintain control of the one-ton bullet that they're in the front seat of.

Point 2 - Humans are vengeful

A commuter will become enraged enough to actually TRY to hit someone in traffic who they believe has wronged them in some way. They'll pull over to the side of the road, get out of their car and try to fight that person. Nothing can push an otherwise normal, reasonable person over the line to bloody murderous rage than a traffic violation.

Point 3 - Humans won't help other Humans

This is mainly an extension of Point 1, but how many times on your commute have you stopped to assist a car in the breakdown lane?

Point 4 - Humans will do the bare minimum to accomplish any given task OR They will pay someone else who claims they'll do that task whatever they ask, and won't check their work

Gas? I'll get the cheapest. Oil? I'll change it when the engine smokes OR I'll pay this mechanic that will put my car up on the lift and not change the oil (don't believe me? http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/a5qwc/iama_automotive_mechanic_who...). Cracked windshield? I'll just wait until that crack spreads aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way across my windshield and my car is unsafe to drive OR I'll take it to a mechanic that will charge me an insane amount of money for a sub-standard windshield and then will probably install it incorrectly. Car clean? I'll wait until the dust mites have evolved enough to achieve sentience, organized into a labor union and forced me to vacuum the car on pain of strike OR I'll take it to a "car wash" and pay some illegal aliens to wave a vacuum around the car and push some moist sponges over the exterior.

Point 4 - Humans only measure themselves against each other, they don't aim for the ultimate goal

On a two-lane highway cars will always travel in the left hand lane. technically this is supposed to be reserved for passing only, but everyone just drives in it and passes on the right, which is not only ill-advised, but illegal. Now, we come upon a truck in the right hand lane. All those people passing in that lane have to merge into the left hand lane to pass the truck, disturbing the flow of traffic in the left hand lane that shouldn't even BE there in the first place. Everyone should be driving in the right hand lane, and when the truck comes up, we all pass on the left, and then merge back into the right hand lane.

Which brings me to...

Point 5 - Humans are basically incapable of accomplishing basic tasks if they require patience.

Consider a merge: two lanes becoming one. In a civilized world, the MARK of a civilized world is a merge where as we move from our two lanes into one shared lane, you go, then I go, you go, then I go. Alas, I have never seen this happen. One car will go, then three will try to squeeze in, then one commuter from all the way in the back will race up and try to cut in.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, the reason we have laws isn't to protect us from ourselves or each other, or even to control us in some conspiracy theory michael moore way, no. Laws represent order, which is just a concept that holds up a mirror to ourselves to show us our true nature: Humans are just animals with louder tools.